I’m trying to make it easier to harness the moments of inspiration/motivation that flicker through my mind during the day.
Reading about ADHD has been a months-long “aha!” moment. So many of my traits line up exactly with the disorder as currently understood in women.
Even the symptoms that haven’t been relieved by medication are easier to deal with now I have some idea of where they’re coming from.
So here’s a little list of the main symptoms (I’m sure I’ll remember more and add to it) and the progress I am making/not making.
Well, it’s been not-quite-a-third of a year. In that time :
- I got officially diagnosed with ADHD and given medication that has scrolled life’s difficulty level down to “normal”.
- I got married.
- We got a puppy.
That’s a hell of a hundred days.
I’m a bit concerned about myself at the moment. I’m falling behind on things again in a fairly major way and I’m not feeling overly healthy.
All this week has been pretty bad, focus-wise. I’m not sure all of it can be put down to my period.
No matter how long I give myself in the morning, I am reliably failing to turn up to work on time. I’m not very late – 10-15 minutes, usually – but it’s getting a bit ridiculous. Luckily my boss doesn’t appear to mind (I stay late to make up for it).
I am so tired. I didn’t sleep much last night. It took me a long time to drift off, my brain flooded with insidious paranoia and self-pity.
Why is the Self so unbearable in the small hours of the morning? I tell myself that I will see everything differently in the light of day, but all of the jealous, resentful, anxious notions feel so real at 2am.
Taking the 30mg pill a little earlier today – 13.00 – to see if that helps me get to sleep on time. I don’t eat anything beforehand again: by the time I get to town, pick up the rest of my prescription and find something to eat, it will be past 14.00 again.
I go to pick up my new prescription at lunchtime. Boots (the pharmacy) are, as usual, short a few pills but happy to give me the handful they have – no problems with the unusually high mg per day – and an IOU for the rest, which I can pick up tomorrow.